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Better
Behavior Wheel Parenting Tool.
Experience
The Thrill Of Well Behaved Kids Overnight With This One-Of-A-Kind,
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Parenting &
families: Parenting
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My Out-of-Control Child.
Parenting
Children With Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Believe it or not. Your
child is often out of their own control. They cannot stop the behavior.
Something takes over their control and the Child is lost and helpless
to stop it.
Parenting &
families; Parenting
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Rebellious little Mesel.
 When I was
just a little kid in the Philippines growing up in Siquijor in that
small province. Although my parents were not rich with money we were
rich with love and togetherness. My father was a hard working man. He
was much older than my mom but she was his doll, his baby. He was so
very proud of her and she loved and respected and cherished him also.
It was impossible to feel that one of us was not loved, because our
home was filled to the brim with love. I loved it. I lived and breathed
it and bathed in it like one basks in the sun. I was an inquisitive
little girl. I was fund of asking questions, like why the color of
water is like that, why she was cooking, why people get hungry, why
people has two holes on their nose, why hair doesn't hurt when it is
cut, etc. I wanted to know everything about everything and anything. I
would ask my mom questions all day. Some time she would pretend not to
hear me but I knew she heard me anyway. So if she did not answer me
within the time period which seem appropriate I would pull on her
clothing and ask "mommy did you hear me". She would be as graceful as
she could be. She would answer, "Yes Dedai I heard you darling I was
thinking of the right answer to give to you". So, I would be quiet for
a few moments to give her time to think of the answer to give to me.
But sometime I would continue to ask many other questions while I was
waiting. After a while she would say "Dedai stop asking me so many
questions darling, you don't give me a chance to think of the right
answer to give you". "So I would say ok mommy". After I was no longer
interested in asking questions of my mom. I would quietly sneak spoons
and a knife and the matches. Then I would go out into the back yard and
I would gather tin cans from the trash, sardine cans were my favorite.
In the back yard playing alone. I would make mud cakes in the sardine
cans and I would build a small fire and put my sardine cans over it and
I would cook the mud cakes. I have no idea now as to how I decided when
the cakes were done. Some time I would go into the house of the
chickens and I would get some eggs, one two or maybe three. I would
break the eggs shell and put the eggs into one of the tin cans that had
previously held one kind of vegetable or other, and I would cook the
eggs. And yes of course I would eat them. Sometime I shared the food I
cooked with the chicken or other farm animals that were my playmates.
Although I had other brothers and sisters, most of the time I played
alone. I did not want others bothering me or interfering with what I
was doing. If someone bothered me when I was playing, or someone
touched one of my toys I would not warned them or threaten them, I would just attack. Once my sister Chel bothered my
toy and I said nothing I just slowly eased over to her and
bit her.
She yelled for my mom and said "mom your daughter with this tiger
attitude just bit me. Look at my hand mom she bit it". My mom asked me
about how true it is that I bite her. With a qualified denial I said
like this "Mom I didn't bite her she is just put her hands on my mouth
and I just put my teeth only a little tight on it".
My mother, after enjoying the peacefulness of me not bugging her for
answers to too many questions, she would come looking for me. She would
call me but I would not answer. I made sure I was well hidden; I did
not want her to disturb my activities. So I would be quiet and hope she
would go away, but of course she would not. But for the most part she
let me do what I wanted, if she inspected things and felt it was safe
enough, because, if she interrupted me I would cry for hours and would
not stop. In other words I was a terror at times if I did not get my way.
My mother was my play mate and companion most of the time, until I
wanted to do things I knew she would not approve of. Then, I would
quietly sneak away to one of my favorite playing places. My mom was
accustomed to my being quiet. I was that way because if I was always
quiet she could not always tell where I was or what I was doing. So
when I sneaked away it would be a while before she missed my presence.
I was in grade one, so I was about 6 years old. Some time when my
mother had to run errands and she wanted to take me with her, I would
excitedly hurry and prepare and go with her. But there were other times
I did not want to stop playing, or stop doing whatever I was doing. If
she forced me to go any way, I would scream and cry until my throat
hurt and my eyes were swollen. I not only disrupted my mother but
everyone else that was within ear shot of my screaming and crying. My
mother must have been terrible embarrassed by my behavior. My mom would
not spank me during those times when I was so young. So she would have
to wait for me. Some time she would offer me a series of bribes until
finally she offered one that was interesting to me and I would concede
and accompany her. But other times I would not relent and she would not
be able to run her errands or conduct other family activities. So
sometimes she was forced to leave me alone and ask one of the neighbors
to watch me from a distance. I was perfectly capable of taking care of
my self. After all I played alone anyway, and was without effective
supervision most of the time. But my mom did not agree so within
minutes one of my many cousins, usually older than me, would show up to
play with me and baby sit me. These cousins were usually older than me.
I was less likely to attack them if whey were older than I was. I did
have favorite among my cousins. But there were some I would not talk
to. So if they came over to watch me I would ignore them. I would play
as if I was alone, but if they interfered with my play I would attack
them, hitting, biting and kicking, I didn't care if they were older
or bigger than me. But most of them knew to leave me along unless I was
the first to approached them to play with me.
On one occasion I had slipped outside unnoticed, and was playing and
cooking my mud cakes and eggs. I shared the food with the chicken,
which usually gathered around me expecting to get handouts. A snake
which was about as thick as my body, was was poised in the grass near
me. I was not afraid; it had been there other times also but I always
moved so that I would keep my fire between the snake and me. It would
just quietly watch me with its tongue darting out at me. If it got to
close for my comfort I would throw burning pieces of wood at it and it
would move away. But it never bothered me. It would grab a chicken and
wrap itself around the chicken hugging it. We had lots of chicken so I
did not mind the snake having one. One day my mom, after discovering my
absence, she came looking for me. She saw the snake and panicked. She
whispered to me. "Dedai be still darling. Don't move at all. Don't move
at all". I could see her fear and terror but it only slightly alarmed
me. After all I knew the snake. It had become, in a way, one of my play
mates just as the chicken had. They all came for food. The chicken came
to eat the scraps I gave them or the scraps I left behind after I
finished playing. And the snake came to eat the chicken. I just starred
at my mom; I was slightly irritated with her for disturbing my play.
She moved a little away; she picked up a big stick she seemed afraid to
hit the snake. The snake looked at my mom as if deciding if it should
flee or if she was friendly toward it as I was. The snake was
distracted by a chicken that came too close to it. The snake grabbed
the chicken and wrapped itself around the chicken. This was my mom's
cue to scream for a neighbor. She ran to me and hurriedly picked me up
and moved away from the snake and the chicken it was hugging. She was
screaming for the neighbor so loudly it bothered my ears. I was angry
with my mom for disturbing me. I tried getting down to resume my
playing. My mom looked at me with the kind of angry look I had never
seen on her face before. In a very low growl like sound she ordered me
to be still or she would paddle my bottom. It was the look in my
mother's eyes and on her face that frightened me in to obedience. The
neighbor appeared with his long gun. He took aim at the snake that was
bothering no one, just swallowing the chicken. There was a loud noise
and the snake's head and the chicken exploded into pieces. Now I was
really angry, with not only my neighbor for killing my playmate, but at
my mom who had caused him to do it.
I remember there was a distinct horrible smell. I don't remember if it
was from the saliva of the snake or the smell of the gunshot. But I can
still remember that smell to this day. After that day, slipping out
unnoticed from my mom became almost impossible. If I insisted on
playing out side my mother came with me. I could no longer cook my food
or mud cakes. I could no long have privacy in my playing. I could no
longer do things unsupervised. I did not like that at all. If I cried for hours my mom would go about her chores
and leave me to my behavior. If she got too aggravated, she would give
me that stark look and speak to me in that growl and I knew
instinctively to shut up. She never hit me, but for some reason I just
knew she would. But I still screamed and cried until I wanted to stop.
That was the only rebellion I insisted on retaining.
From the mind of Mesel
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